


why he never learns first

by vannral



Series: snarky banter and pop culture references [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 15:09:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4791956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vannral/pseuds/vannral
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony's a bit irritated that he didn't know. About Clint and Peter being...a thing. (Barter? Parton? What the hell are they called?)</p>
            </blockquote>





	why he never learns first

Tony’s a bit irritated that no one bothered to tell him that Clint and Peter are a thing. Y’know, a  _thing thing._ After that one disasterous ‘date-that-apparently-wasn’t-even-a-date’, Parker just  _left_ and never showed up for  _work, which generally speaking isn’t cool in Tony’s book, since they HAVE COOL SCIENCE STUFF TO MAKE, HOW DARE YOU, PARKER._

So he feels like he’s totally justified, when he’s still glaring at Clint and Peter, who are trying to eat cereal. 

     “Do I need to give Barton a shovel talk? I feel like I should. Parker’s – what? – nineteen?”

     “I’m twenty-five, you dick”, Peter huffs, annoyed. “I don’t get it, why does everyone think that?”

     “Well, you  _are_ pretty skinny”, Natasha points out and stirs her tea. “But fortunately, Clint’s  _very_  into it.”

Clint grunts, annoyed. “Can you stop? Thanks. You’re not  _helping.”_

Natasha grins, wry and sharp. “Excuse me, I helped a  _lot.”_

     “She called and yelled at me”, Peter says.

     “But it helped. You’re not holed up at your Aunt’s anymore.” 

     “He  _bailed_. I don’t know if that counts as  _success”,_ Clint points out dryly.

     “I ate a lot of ice cream and watched the  _Golden Girls,_ like, half a season. I was pretty good.”

     “Then Barton tracked you down and threw you over his shoulder and carried you off like a caveman?” Tony suggests. Clint scowls at him. “What? Is that what happened?” 

     “No, he invaded my blanket fort and refused to leave.” 

     “And then you confessed?” 

     “Technically I already confessed and  _he_ didn’t answer”, Peter points out, and Clint sighs very deeply.

     “C’mon, I was  _shocked,_ I didn’t - “ 

     “I know, it’s okay, I was just telling Tony - “

Tony scowls. “Are you two adults? I mean, seriously.  _Miscommunication,_ oh my God,  _seriously?”_  

     “Shut up, you didn’t tell Pepper you were dying.” 

Tony shuts up. Very fast. At least, for a few seconds. “Okay, so, no sex where we live or eat. I don’t want _any_  fluids on my couch, thank you very much, it’s suade. Shower sex is great, though, totally recommending that.” 

     “Wow, you’re terrible at this”, Natasha deadpans. 

    “Well,  _excuse me,_ I haven’t had much practise in giving shovel talks, what do you want from me? ‘Cos this – I don’t know. Just don’t break his heart, okay, Barton? I need him for work.” 

     “’m not gonna, geez.” 

And then, Tony decides he’s had enough this and goes to have a drink. Jesus Christ, what a morning. Ugh. It worked out pretty well, though. 

     "What are you, then? Barker? Parton?" 

     "Shut  _up already!"_

**Author's Note:**

> A very short story about my new obsession. Well, new-old, but I found it again.  
> Thank you for reading! :)  
> (also, if you want to visit my tumblr: http://vannral.tumblr.com/)


End file.
